Monday, October 4, 2010

Hung Over;;Gina;;4

I wake up to the biggest head ache known to man and I see that I'm lying on the bathroom floor by the toliet next to a bottle of Jack Daniels and Whiskey. I rub my head as I stood up asking myself the following question, what the flying fuck happened last night? 


Oh wait a minute, I saw Jonathan with Alba at Brents!


I grab the bottles and throw them in the garbage and wash down two advil. Ally walks in from her room and clasps her hands over her mouth. "What the fuck happened to you?" She asks me as I take a sip of water. I don't say anything. "Oh my God Gina are you fucken serious right now?" 


"Sorry," is all I say as I put the glass down. 
"Gina, you are not going to drink yourself to death and go emo on my ass. Oh and a little birdie told me you drove drunk last night!"


That damn sweed.


"Yeah...sorry," is all I say.
"Is that all you have to say? Look, I know he left you for that skank but this is not how your going to go about this breakup. I'm taking you to AA."
"As in alcoholics anonymous? Hell no Ally."
"Get dressed and shower. I'm taking you to AA and don't fight with me about this."


Well wasn't this just great! My sister was forcing me on my will to take me to AA. I do as I'm told and shower and throw swets and a shirt on. If she were forcing me to do this, I might as well go looking like a bum. I scrunch my hair and walk out of the bathroom with my sister looking at me up and down. "Jesus Gina, you look like a mess."


"I am a mess...remember?"
"Oh good, atleast you can admit to it."
"Ally can we get on with this damn it?"
"Okay take a chill."


We pull up to the clinic and walk into a room. She tells me she'll stay with me for moral support but that's about it. I look around, there all either obnoxious high schoolers or people older than me. The leader comes about and introduces herself as Dawn. Everyone goes around the room and talks about their drinking problem. It comes to Ally now. "Hi, I'm Ally. I don't have a problem but my sister here does."


Way to throw my under the fucken bus now.


"Hi..I'm Gina...and apparently...I have a drinking problem."
"Oh God, here we go, your denying it."
"I'm not denying shit. I'm here because you think I have a drinking problem."
"It's because you do have a drinking problem."
"Girls..." Dawn begins as we stop talking. "Gina...why do you think your sister thinks that of you?"
"Well...my boyfriend left me for his exgirlfriend a month in a half ago...I haven't been getting over it in the best way..."
"Oh good your--"
"ALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR FIVE MINUTES!" I yell.
"Gina...how long have you been drinking..."
"Since the day he left me..."


Dawn keeps me after the session. Ally is waiting for me outside as she is on the phone telling Brent about my outburst in AA. She hands me a card with a doctors name on it:


Dr. Diana Ross
Certified Psychologist
1142 Lawrence Avenue
Chicago, IL
312-555-2325


"Just consider it, okay?" she tells me as I take the card. 


I nodd and walk outside to Ally's car. I'm sitting in the front seat as she pulls her keys out to put in the ignition of her Toyota. I'm stairing at the card Dawn gave me. I just got reccomended to go see a psychologist. What in the world has my freaken life come too. "Is that what I think it is?" Ally asks me.


"I'm sorry for my outburst."
"Are you going to go?"
"I might as well if someone told me I should."
"I really dont want you on suicide watch, okay?"
"I will not be on suicide watch, alright?"
"I sure hope you won't be. I'm worried for you."
"Aren't you all..."
"Gina, this really isn't funny."
"You're right...I'm sorry. Is Jonny okay?"
"I don't see why he wouldn't be...why?"


That was really random on my part to even ask that. I watch her put the keys in the ignition and we go home. I walk into my room and close the door, and flop on my bed. I'm staring at the phone and the bussiness card as I dial the number on the card. The phone is ringing and ringing and ringing. I'm about to hang up when I hear,


"Thank you for calling Dr. Diana Ross, how can I help you?"



Monday, August 23, 2010

Here I Go Again On My Own;;Gina;;3

a month in a half later


A month in a half goes by and I'm a trainwreck. I haven't slept, I'm surpringsly eating, and I'm crying every chance I get. And to top it off, I've been getting drunk like there is no tomorrow. Oh, what a break up with Jonathan Toews can do to you. Patrick Kane is at my house, trying to drag me to Brent's annual summer BBQ. It's amazing when you break up with someone their friends still invite you places.


"Gina, you need to get out of this damn house," Patrick tells me.
"I look like a train wreck," I tell him while teezing my hair.
"If you ask me you look like a hot trainwreck now will you please come?"
"Why should I go somewhere that doesn't want me?"
"Please, you are wanted. Troy wants you there, Brain does, Stephanie, Brent, Duncan, you're sister wants you there, I want you there, Nik and Christina want you there, Sharpie wants you there, come on the whole team except for Jon but we don't need to worry about him now do we?"
"I'll come for an hour, okay?"
"Party pooper."
"Hey, it's better than me not coming at all."


I follow him in my Jeep to Brent's house. I walk into the back yard and get hugs from everyone. No sign of Jonathan. I walk over to Christina and give her a hug as Nik pats my back. "Assfuck isn't here yet," Nik tells me as I nodd my head. "I'll kill him later and hit did you drive here drunk?"


"No."
"Gina, I smell alcohol on your breath, don't drink the rest of the night," Nik tells me.
"Okay dad," I say, rolling my eyes and lighting a ciggerette.
"Great, your smoking now too."


Isn't it amazing, the things you start doing when someone breaks up with you?


I exhale the tabacco from my lips and tap the ciggerette. I was definatly changing. I knew the next thing on my list of drastic things I'd be doing soon was my hair, something so drastic Ally would kill me. I turn my head and drop the ciggerette as I see the blonde walk in hand in hand with Johnny. 


Alba.


He had the fucken balls to bring fucken Alba Lewis with him. I felt Patrick Sharps wife Annabelle pull me into a hug as she tells me to turn away and not to look at her. Was she on fucken drugs? Of course I was going to stare him down. I was going to stare her down. I wanted to slit her throat for taking what was mine away from me just like someone taking candy from a baby. 


I walk into the house and into Brent's kitchen. I put my hands on the ledge. She wasn't in my pressence, she wasn't in the same room as me, holding his hand. This was all a dream, Jonathan and I were still dating, we were happy, Alba wasn't in our lives anymore. "Gina, are you okay?" I look up and Stephanie walks in. I shake my head. I couldn't lie to her, she'd knew if I were lying to her. "Brent told him not to bring her...clearly, that didn't phase him..." 


Stephanie stops talking as Jonathan walks in. I don't look at him, I'm so upset right now. I grab my car keys, I couldn't be here anymore. "Gina, you can't runaway from him or her," Stephanie whispers as she grabs my arm while Jon just watches. I shake her off and walk past Jonathan without saying anything until I come face to face with Alba. "Gina," she sneers.


"Alba," I roll my eyes.
"Why are you here?"
"I have my reasons, now move."


I push Alba out of the way and speed home. I storm in, grab a bottle of Jack Daniels and wash it down. I grab another bottle and stumble my way to the bathroom were I lay by the toilet. I then throw my guts up while in tears. I flush the toilet but drink some more as I feel the pain of my heart breaking go away. I'm numb, completely numb. I throw up some more but then fall over, with the bottle close to my hands. It was going to be a long night, just me and my new best friend, Jack Daniels. I woke up and threw up some more, stumbled my way to the kitchen, grabbed more alcohol, and brought it to the bathroom. I drank myself to sleep tonight, I drank away the pain, and luckily, I wasn't dead yet. I was in a war with the demons ragging inside of me, and damn, I was winning this war.




This was the start to the war of my life.


I was now own my own...again.



Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The First Encounter;;Gina;;2

Seven Months Ago

"Gina, I feel like all you do is stay inside and read."

My sister Ally tells me as she watches me read through Vogue while eating fruit. She sits next to me at the kitchen table. I don't say anything to her, but she's waiting for me to talk. Too bad that isn't going to happen. "Why don't you come out with me and Brent tonight?" She asks. She's been dating Brent Seabrook of the Blackhawks for the past eight months. They're cute, I must admit, but they drag me around everywhere because apparently I'm like a hobbit locked in a house. "C'mon, maybe one of Brent's friends will come."

"I'm not coming," she says texting Brent. "And besides, I come everywhere with you guys, do you really think I enjoy it?"
"No, but you love me."
"Ally I'm not coming with."
"C'mon Gina please?"
"Ally no."

Her phone goes off and a devious smirk appears on her face. She's texting Brent and planning something with him. I don't even bother asking what the evil plan is. "C'mon Gina, I'll let you go out in swets since we're just going to Cubby Bear on Addison and Clark," she's begging now. I roll my eyes. "C'mon Gina, do it for my favorite sister."

"Ally..."
"Please?"
"Fine."
"You're the apple of my eye Gina."
"Who the hell is coming with him?"
"Why?"
"So I can look presentable, obviously."
"Tazer I think?"

Did she really just say Tazer? I roll my eyes and go to my room. I throw a pair of jeans on and meet her outside. This was going to be a long night. We take the blue line from Logan Square to Addison and walk the rest of the way to Cubby Bear. We get seats at the bar and my head turns to see Brent and the most beautiful human being to walk in with him.

Jonathan Toews.

I had never really thought that about Jonathan until he took a seat next to me at the bar. Brent gives me a tiny hug. "Nice of you to come," he says as I shrug. "Anyways, Johnny boy, this is Ally's twin Gina. Gina, this is Johnny."

"Nice to meet you," he says in a thick accent. 
"You too. Can I have a Guinness!" I shout at the bar tender.
"Make that four," Brent yells.
"So, you're Ally's twin, eh?"
"Yeah."
"I'll be honest, your both pretty, but your the prettier twin," he says smiling.
"Thanks, do you tell this to all the girls with twins?"
"Nope. You're the first."
"I'm sure."

present day

I'm still sitting on the floor when Ally gets home. "Gina?" She's yelling. I hear her footsteps stop but I don't look at her. "Gina, why the fuck are you on the floor crying?" She asks as I finally look at her. She's wearing a tight dress and my Steve Madden heels. She was at Excalibur with Brent, not typical. "Gina, what's wrong?"

"He's gone Ally, he's not coming back."
"What do you mean hes gone?"
"He broke up with me for HER!"
"Oh God no."
"Ally, what did I do?"
"You didn't do anything, he's just gonna regret what he did soon."
"I've never felt this hurt in my life."
"We all have to go through it once Gina."
"I'm going to bed."

I throw shorts and a shirt on and flop into my bed. I burry my head into the pillow. I hear my phone go off. It's a text from my best friend and boyfriend of my best friend, Stephanie. It's Patrick Kane. I read the message on the iPhone. I smile and burry my head in the pillow but the smile fades. I begin to cry, the water works come. They stay for the rest of the night.

To: Gina Cell
From: Patrick Kane

Johnny boys an ass. You're a beautiful girl who can hold her liqour. You're a great person and I'm glad your my best friend! Love you Gina!


I Love The Way You Lie;;Gina;;1

"Gina, I don't know what to tell you."


Jonathan tells me as I'm sitting across from him at the table during dinner. We're in a restaurant as he's telling me this. We're in a public restaurant and Jonathan Toews has the nerve to tell me he's confused and quite possibly in love with his ex-girlfriend who he was on and off with before we started dating. I fold my arms across my chest as I yell for the check. 


This was unbearable right now.


"Can't we at least enjoy dinner?" He asks me. 
"How can I enjoy dinner with someone who I've been seeing for six month when they're telling me they don't love me anymore?" 
"I never said I didn't love you."
"You implied it when you said you still love her."
"She has a name you know."
"I don't care if she has a name or if she's fucken tinkerbell."


I grab the check from the waiter and throw a credit card in the holder without looking at the bill. She takes the check and walks away as I try to hold back the tears from my eyes. This wasn't happening, he was leaving me. "If you really loved her, then why did you want to date me then?" I ask.


"Gina, I don't know, maybe we're just not cut out for dating at all."
"Oh, so this whole time you've lied to me? Wow, I wonder if everyone knows how much of an asshole you are. Thank you," I say grabbing the check and signing the bill. "Thank you for making these past six months of my life a living hell."
"Gina I'm sorry I'm putting you through this."
"Well...I feel like I've just entered hell. You know, maybe you're right, we weren't made for this. That's fine, you're just like all the other ass holes I've ever dated. See you around Jonathan."


I storm out of the restaurant and walk to my jeep. I hear the restaurant door slam close. It's Jonathan, because everytime he's mad he makes sure everyone knows it. "Gina stop!" He's yelling as I turn around. "I still want to be friends."


"How can I be friends with you?"
"What do you mean?" 
"You're a lying, two faced asshole. Yeah, that's right, I said it. You're two faced Jonathan. Grow up. Have a nice life with her."


I drive away from him and I don't look back. I think about the day I met him seven months ago. All thanks to Brent Seabrook, my sisters boyfriend. I think about what it was that I liked about him. It dawns on me.


He was a good liar, and I loved it.


I pull into the drive way of mine and my sisters house. She's not here, and I'm thankful for that because I don't want her to see the water works begin. I throw my purse on the kitchen counter and slide down the wall. My knees are up to my chest now and my hands are almost covering my face as I begin crying. 


He was gone, he was never coming back. Let the trip to hell begin.


enjoy